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My first days of 2020, I helped a man with epilepsy & then witnessed a suicide.

I wasn't expecting my first post of 2020 to start like this.

Some of the stories I have people wouldn't believe me if I told them. For that reason alone I keep it to myself. But these first 7 days of 2020 I cannot keep to myself. I write this post in hesitation to share my experiences. But I'm also writing this as a reminder to myself to look back on December 31, 2020, and see how much has changed.

I remind myself that the reason for me to do these blogs was to share my transition to become a stay at home (something) and share my experiences along the way.

So here it goes...

January 1st - Still felt like 2019, midweek no big deal.

January 2nd - A guy had a seizure in my lap and I waited with him until the ambulance arrived.

January 3rd - Prayed for the guy I helped the day before.

January 4th - Went to my bosses Wedding.

January 5th - Normal day at home.

January 6th - Witnessed a suicide on the way to work.

January 7th - Grieved the death of a stranger.

All I can say is wow. From Iran to Australia to my back yard, just Wow.

I would be lying if I said I didn't question why God allowed me to see what I saw. Was I supposed to learn something? Was I in the wrong place at the wrong or the right time? Why would I have been allowed to help a man who was having a seizure on Thursday? to then have to call the police because a man hung himself in a tree on Monday?

Now, I'm the type of person that can't handle a slightly suspenseful movie without having nightmares. And if I don't get push notifications sent to my phone or read an article on Facebook, I don't watch this news. It's too depressing and upsetting to watch history repeat itself. I will stay current but feeding my mind all the negatively that goes on around the world, is not for me.

So, these first seven days, hit me hard. I didn't have to turn on the news or watch a horror movie because I was living in it.

It's one thing to hear about it, read it in a book, or see it on TV. Even going to an open casket funeral didn't compare to what I felt in that moment. The feeling that overcomes you, when you witness someone taking their own life - in front of you, with your own eyes. And there is nothing you can do to stop it. It's gut-wrenching.

There are so many people truly suffering in this life.

I pray for them today.

I pray for their hearts to heal.

I pray for there to be a shift in their atmosphere.

I pray for whoever this man was, that he is no longer in suffering.

I pray for the family he has left behind.

I pray for his salvation.

I pray for peace in all the lives, hearts, and minds of people that were affected.

I never would have imagined grieving the loss of someone I never knew. I'm not sure if I will forget his face, or the coldness in his skin, his blue jeans, a blue jacket, and a burgundy hat. But I hope over time it gets easier.

Over the past few days I've found myself analyzing the situation, what if I arrived moments sooner, how long was he contemplating this, did he just want to be seen.

For those who read this, whether you are a survivor, a witness, or battling...

I am here.

I, unfortunately, know too many stories of people who took their own life. But I have never been as close as I was on January 6, 2020. I am here, I will listen.


I pray for the rest of 2020, that it only gets better, that this was the worst thing that could happen. I pray to move forward and heal, to be PTSD-free. Life is such a blessing and to know that there are people in this world who do not feel the same is heartbreaking. To know that they couldn't find a way to escape those demons. I pray for my friends and family, my future children and their children. I write this post as a reminder to myself that mental health is important and life is a gift and I will cherish these moments for as long as I live.

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